No awkward lesbian experiences without me
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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