You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
