yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
found the other keg... it's in the tree
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I think I sprained my soul last night
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
