I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
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