Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
