party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
