I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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