got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
