she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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