so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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