I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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