He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I love you. Go after that dick
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
