Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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