I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
