after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
