u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
