So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
