Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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