You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
