My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
