A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
