the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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