a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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