Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
