The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
