What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
