my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
