I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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