Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
