I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
