I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Houston, we have a squirter
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
