Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
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I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize