The best revenge is premature balding
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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