nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
