she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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