bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
