He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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