if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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