my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
we're so committed to being not committed
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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