Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Randomize
