There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
