You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You need a sexual gate keeper
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
