I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
