Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize