Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
