Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
