Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
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