oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
