Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
