I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
