Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
