Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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