hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
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Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
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Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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