I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
The air was thick with penises
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
