He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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