just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
You took a bar mat shot.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
