I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
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