I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
