Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
