i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
