I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
