i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This baby is an asshole
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
The struggles of a small town man whore
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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