spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
