Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
