The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Randomize
