Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
This beer is not sobering me up at all
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Randomize
