Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
