If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
im six kinds of drunk right now
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
